How to Help Someone Who Has an Amputated Limb
Amputation Survivor Offers Practical Advice for Others
Nov 3, 2009
A friend or family member has suffered the amputation of a limb. People wishing to help may be uncertain of how to approach or help that person after the accident or surgery. Liz Phelps, who prefers to be called by her first name and is an amputation survivor and the wife of an amputee, offers her perspective on how to support someone who has lost a limb.
Husband and Wife Have Amputated Limbs
Liz Phelps, who survived the amputation of three fingers on her left hand in 1997, ironically has quite a bit of experience helping someone who has survived an amputation because her husband, Jay, lost his left leg in an accident in 1994. Liz, always one to find the humor in situations, remarks, “yes, we are the official prosthetic poster children.”*
Liz offered emotional support for her husband as he healed from his injury and physically helped him when he returned to work at his wood product business. Jay unfortunately was able to return the favor after Liz’s accident that required three surgeries. “Of course, after his accident I told him if anything ever happened to me, he better take things in hand and get the right doctors for the job. He did and I was fortunate enough to have a surgeon that had several years experience in hand surgery.”
Visiting Someone Who Has an Amputation
Liz says that “each person is different. When Jay came home after his accident, over a hundred people from my wonderful church came by to see him and he loved every minute of it. I, on the other hand, may not sound like a private person, but I am, very private…and aside from phone calls (which I loved) I didn't want to see anyone. It might be that male-female thing. Women tend to want to look and feel their best when entertaining.”
Normally very outgoing and drawn to groups, Liz recovered at her mom’s house after her injury, where “she treated me like her baby (which I am) and pampered me for six weeks. By the time I went home, there was no doubt I was very loved – no matter what – and it was a wonderful feeling.”
If someone suffers from an amputation, a surprise visit might not be welcome to someone who would prefer to heal in private. If the person is a patient in the hospital, it is wise to ask about visitor policies and hours. People who have any symptoms of a contagious illness should defer a visit in person. HIPAA laws prohibit healthcare personnel from providing information regarding a person’s health status and treatments unless the patient has given specific permission to do so.
A phone call might be the best first approach with offers to visit when the person feels ready. Offering practical help before or after the person gets home might also be welcomed by someone who is healing from an amputation. For instance, a friend or family member might ask if she could:
- Deliver a meal or take her out for a meal
- Provide help with cleaning
- Do yard work
- Take the kids out for an afternoon
- Come over to visit
- Run errands, such as grocery shopping
Staying in Touch With Someone After an Amputation
Today’s technology offers a wide range of ways to keep in touch with someone. Emails, cards, phone calls, text messages, and other modes of communication are ways that people can keep in touch if they cannot see someone face-to-face. Some people may create a blog or website to keep people informed of their progress after an amputation, which is particularly helpful if multiple people are asking about their health status.
Liz found that for her “the very, very best cards are the funny ones. If someone you know is injured, politely ask how they are doing and then tell a really good joke and any gossip you may have accumulated while they were laid up. My friend, Barbara, called me regularly at Mama's and kept me up to date with everyone we knew. It took my mind off of my injury and made me feel like I was still 'part of everything going on' during my convalescence.”
Open communication has helped Liz and Jay to effectively deal with their injuries. “Early on, Jay and I made a pact; I handle all the leg work once he takes his leg off in the evening, and he opens any and all things hard to open or handle. I haven't had too many problems.”
Advice for People Who Know an Amputation Survivor
Liz offers this final advice for those who wish to support someone after an amputation: “Do Not! Pity them. Even if it’s a stranger…look them in the eye…ask what happened…and move past it (for you and them). Then it becomes the norm. We have really great one-legged man jokes. Jay and I love to see people’s reactions when we joke about our injuries. It puts them at ease and opens the door for them to appease their curiosity, then we all move on.”
Readers may wish to learn more about Liz’s ability to Live a Full and Happy Life After Amputation and Guide Dogs and Service Dogs Help Disabled Vets. Read more about Liz and the books she has written on her web site.
*Quotes are from an interview on 10/19/09.
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